My Blog

A recent issue of the Philippine Star had a story with a cartoon that stressed: “Nowadays, even thinking of getting married is enough proof of psychological incapacity!”

This seems to be true with more and more annulment cases being lodged with trial courts. A number of Filipinos love the American concept of marriage that getting someone to say “I do” is becoming a decision by gut-feel. Not much thought is given to it. After all, if it doesn’t turn out right, there’s always a way out.

Annulling a marriage is no simple process, however. You have to prove at least one of the seven grounds for annulment (falling under Article 45 of the Family Code). The most invoked is “psychological incapacity.” Most popular among those that characterize psychological incapacity is “irreconcilable differences” or “conflicting personalities.” The burden is to prove a party’s failure to perform his/her duties to the family.

But what does irreconcilable differences mean? No one is so certain. I can only think of a wife transmogrifying from a lamb into a lion after marriage (although, in other PG18 contexts, this is not necessarily a bad thing = ).

Without intending to be discriminatory, annulment, to a certain extent, has made marriage a status symbol and a fashion statement. It could spell maturity and financial security to some. Among those with the right looks, changing partners is no different from upgrading accessories. When one is out of fashion with a morena, then get a mestiza next. If one has gotten tired of a “made in the Philippines,” then look beyond the coastline for an international choice.

It makes me wonder how annulment still thrives even in the face of rising costs of marriage. Add to that the expenses incurred in a married life that oftentimes make me doubt the accuracy of fairytale books hammering into our heads “…and they lived happily ever after.” I can only hope authors did not mean this in the context of the after life.

Marriage has become so expensive. Even the mere thought of it renders others crazy. You run down the list of items to spend on, and you find yourself the next day joining the long queue of hopefuls at the lottery outlet. If you have the money in the bank, you pray that spending on it will turn out to be a worthwhile investment — not something pseudo accountants would easily convert to credits to your “experience” account.

A friend discussed with me the marriage plans of his girlfriend. Although the girlfriend did not price each item, he had his own idea of how quickly the cash register would snap at this bank account. Because he comes from a family of good financial standing, his voice did not manifest fear of going bankrupt.

“P100,000 for the bride’s gown alone.” “Around half a million for the reception.” “A good chunk for the flowers and cake.” “And a considerable amount for the travel expenses of our relatives.”

And then he totaled the expenses: “I assume I’ll be spending around P1 million.”

As he shared his mental note of each expense, I was forcing myself to sip from what already was an empty coffee tumbler, expecting the air to give off some energy drink elements to keep my balance. The effect of his calculations provoked palpitations more than that of caffeine’s!

The cost of marriage nowadays have made people more practical. Others are doing away with church weddings in favor of civil weddings. Some don’t even mind getting married at all; the bed becomes their test and nest of love and commitment.

It is understandable why young professionals are turning to marriage at a later age. Unless you can cook “love” in a frying pan or a rice cooker, most prefer to wait for their bank accounts to half-heartedly screech a “go” signal. The challenge to young professionals, however, is to moderate their expenses. True, being single is more expensive than being married. There is higher propensity to spend unnecessarily when you’re single and thinking of no one else to share your income with yet. Admittedly, I belong to the flock. Guilty as charged!

I cannot say that I detest marriage though. I cannot also say that I will not look forward to getting married. But what I know is, I hope to one day say, “I’m getting married.”

As to when? I rather postpone the “I do”, and pray, “so help me God.” = )

I never thought a roundtrip ticket abroad could only cost P1 and a test of honesty.

“Mark, how old are you? Please do not lie.” I received this text message from World Bank (WB) Manila. It confused me. I did not know if it was an implicit question on my natural ability to tell the truth or a subtle insinuation that I looked way older than what I had claimed. Nevertheless, I replied: “26”.

Three weeks after, I found myself in mid-air for 18 hours total, on my way to the capital of the US of A where the seat of power awaits the messianic embrace of Barack Obama.

I was among 18 youth leaders and advocates from around the world privileged to have been invited to the World Bank-International Monetary Fund Annual Meetings held October 7-13, 2008 in Washington DC.

The meetings annually gather close to 10,000 individuals representing various sectors: government, business and private sector, civil society, and media.

The youth sector was the freshest addition, and I was the lone Filipino in the group and had the opportunity to be one of three youth panelists on “Young People Exercising Citizenship.” The other panelists were Onyeka Obasi, President of the Friends of Africa Foundation, and Renata Florentino of the International Youth Parliament, Brazil.

Being in Washington was a humbling experience. I cannot claim that I have made a great impact on the lives of the Filipino youth. There is still a long way to go.

I am certain, however, that there are other Filipino youth advocates and leaders out there more deserving of the slot but whose great works remain unnoticed and unappreciated.

It was largely because of the WB-funded project, “Operationalizing and Popularizing the WDR: Exercising Citizenship in Monitoring Transparency in Local Government Procurement,” that I am handling as project leader on behalf of Silliman University that I was invited to attend. This project ranked first in the world out of eight grantees, and targets two youth classifications as beneficiaries: in-school and out-of-school. For this project, I worked with a Silliman team composed of Dr. Rose Baseleres, Dean of the College of Mass Communication, Stacy Danika Alcantara, Student Government president, and College of Law professor Myrish Cadapan-Antonio.

The special session with the youth reinforced the role that the youth play as future leaders of the world. With 1.5 billion young people between the ages 12 and 24 in the world, WB believes that “the youth represent a tremendous opportunity to accelerate economic growth and reduce poverty worldwide.”

Oftentimes, the youth are neglected in the decision making processes of government. There is little attempt to listen to them and integrate their opinions into the overall action plan of government. There is a need for government leaders, those who belong to the so-called “wiser generation,” to engage the youth in development discourse – not only during election time. It seemed apparent during our discussions that youth issues do not represent priority interests of government.

Common among developing countries is a scenario where the youth suffer from lack of quality education, aggravated by insufficiency of qualified teachers, books, and equipment. We talk of harnessing the potentials of the youth, facilitating smooth transition from school to work, but those youth who are victims of poverty often have to be content with what could be leftovers of a system way left behind. No wonder there is a high dropout rate. While there is no question on the transformative value of education, the failure of available resources to support the promise of education dampens the youth’s interest and leads them to find greater value in the temporary benefits of leaving school in favor of low-paying jobs.

Admittedly, however, to put the blame solely on government is not always fair. Family problems, peer pressure, and vices also come as reasons for the youth’s inability to finish school. Some of our youth project participants revealed that their addiction to drugs and vices and their engagement in pre-marital sex were their only ways of getting attention from their parents.

The greater challenge is to elevate the self-worth of the youth who are victims of poverty and other social circumstances beyond their control. This is a challenge that government should take up. While basketball games, beauty contests, and singing and dance competitions sponsored by local government units please the senses, these activities could also come as an insult to the potential contributions of the youth toward social development and to their ability to be equal players in governmental affairs, unless utilized as tools for dialogue. When we fail to consider them as partners, we deprive the youth of the opportunity to realize their potentials and test how much of a leader they can become. The youth will not be convinced of their ability to make a difference, and will be hard to mobilize, until we make them realize that they have value.

It is just like a bulad (dried fish) to a family. When a poor family fails to appreciate its value, that family can never help someone who is hungry, as it will continue to find humiliation over the thought of sharing something that it even could not convince itself to be sustaining.